lyrics
i never knew i was that
i felt strength and tried to tear it down
like sickness i thought it got me in trouble
when it was there to eradicate fear
how could i have known
it was love to my rescue
as if i’m never gonna feel like
everything that i do is mine
i know that i am more than i let on
as if i’m never gonna be like
as if i’m never gonna be life
i know that i’m stronger than you
as if i’m never gonna feel like
as if i’m never gonna feel life
of the heat and the city lights
don’t pretend like you know where i’ll go
i’ll chase down the feeling of me
i’m not limited to what i want to be true
are you?
as if i’m never gonna feel like
everything that i do is mine
i know that i am more than i let on
as if i’m never gonna be like
as if i’m never gonna be life
i know that i’m stronger than you
i know that my fears fade through
i’m not gonna give up for you
i’m not gonna beg for myself
as if i’m never gonna feel like
as if i’m never gonna be like
as if i’m never gonna be mine
released 25/8/25
meaning
personally, i'm the type of person who likes to apply my own meaning to the songs i listen to, but to those who are curious about what the lyrics means;
i'm a middle eastern atheist bi woman, with a dream of making music. i am and i've always been in an environment where i've heard why everything that i like and believe in is bad, which has resulted in me hiding in most parts of my life, even as far as with my music online, despite being anonymous. most of the time the feeling of being allowed to be who i am has felt like a war. i've grown mad at it, and myself, for letting it get to this, and so i chose to make this song so i didn't have to hide behind my production, but speak my mind through singing for once.
"as if" is about how absurd it is to listen to someone who is too unwilling or weak to understand differences, wants and dreams that they don't align with; it's about you doing something, that in your environment, in your world, would be looked down upon - simply because it isn't understood or attempted at being understood. defying people who don't have your best in mind, simply wanting control of who you should be. it's you choosing to not care, because it is your life, your dream, your heart, and you won't let it up for anything less and dishonest to you.
do not sample or remix my music without permission.